So, I decided to not go to an event today.
(for anyone who's reading this, that doesn't understand what I mean, go here )
Why, you ask?
Well, partly it's too hot to wear either of the two frocks that currently fit me.
One is modifiable by taking the sleeves off, but it doesn't look right particularly when I can't get my hair to look good either.
So, that's the first reason.
The second one is.
I didn't want to.
Why are you telling me, you now ask.
Get comfy and let me blather at you for a bit.
I've been a wee bit unhappy lately. yes, some people (okay, doctors) like to call it episodic depression.
I call it feeling like shit.
It's happened on and off for many, many a year and I normally get over it in a a few days or a week or so.
I always figured it was just me being a moody little creature and that I should get over myself.
This 'episode' has gone on for just over a month.
Maybe it has something to do with having a baby or the fact that a lot of unhappy stuff has happened recently.
Who can tell in these wild and wacky times.
I can normally function and be polite and slightly cheerful when out in public, but it's getting harder.
I continue to do social things because they distract me, it would be impolite not to and I'm often a bit cheerier at the end because I like my friends.
However, there are some occasions that are done, because you really do feel as though you have to.
This was one of them.
Then I realised. I didn't have to go.
I had to make sure the food I'd bought made it there but I didn't have to be the one who did it.
So much of my confidence (or scariness) comes from not looking 'stupid'.
Particularly at SCA events.
Not having a pretty frock to wear that I wouldn't overheat in, was the final straw.
I really dislike not looking appropriate.
Now, I'm not writing all of this down so I can get a bunch of 'aawwww, poor dv'.
I don't actually expect anyone will care that much.
I'm mainly writing it as a way to record what I feel like and to let other people know that a lot of people feel like shit.
I realised this after a friend recently confessed that she's had depression since she was a teenager.
It shocked me.
She was an even more bubbly person than me.
I told her how I feel and it was comforting to both of us to know that even normal people get depressed.
So, here's to anyone else who needs to be comforted.
Now, onto something else.
Nice weather we're having lately.
Update: The lovely husband came home from event early and convinced me that it would be fun and I borrowed one of my sisters dresses that was a lot cooler than anything I own.
By that point I had also had a lie down on the couch and watched 'Breakfast at Tiffanys' (oh the outfits)
I had fun.